Nature is a beautiful and majestic thing, but sometimes it can be a bit inconvenient, especially when you’re in the woods and nature calls. You go to find a secluded spot to do your business, and as you’re sitting there, you suddenly hear a rustling in the bushes. You freeze, hoping it’s just a small animal. But then, a bear emerges from the foliage, staring at you with beady eyes.
At this point, you have a few options. You could try to make a break for it, but let’s be real, you’re not exactly at your quickest while in the middle of a bathroom break. You could also try to play dead, but that seems a bit drastic. Or, you could try to reason with the bear.
“Hey there, Mr. Bear,” you say, trying to keep your voice steady. “I know this might seem a bit awkward, but I was just finishing up here. I’ll be out of your way in a minute.”
The bear just cocks its head to the side, as if to say “I’m not going anywhere.”
Well, this is awkward. You can’t exactly stay here all day, but you also don’t want to get mauled. You start to brainstorm ways to distract the bear. Maybe you could offer it some toilet paper? Or sing it a song?
Just when you’re about to break out into a rendition of “I Will Survive,” the bear sniffs the air and then slowly ambles off, disappearing back into the bushes.
Whew, that was close. You finish up your business and make a mental note to always check for bears before nature calls in the wilderness. And, if you do happen to come face to face with a bear, when nature is calling, be thankful he only uses you as the toilet paper and not make you his lunch.